Platformonomics TGIF is a weekly roll-up of links, comments on those links, and perhaps a little too much tugging on my favorite threads.
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Busy week for AGI and private equity!
News
Don’t Make Me Declare AGI!
OpenAI and Microsoft continue to (re)negotiate in public. Last week OpenAI threatened to call mom antitrust authorities if they don’t get better economics (because those $6.5 billion acquihires ain’t cheap). This week they’re threatening to press the big red AGI button.
Has OpenAI achieved “highly autonomous systems that outperform humans at most economically valuable work” or is this “nonsensical benchmark hacking”? It would make for hysterical litigation if nothing else.
Benioff’s Blizzard of Bluster: FOOM Edition
While OpenAI and Microsoft debate contractual AGI definitions, Marc Benioff, aka the “Michelangelo of horseshit” (seen above interviewed on Dagobah), suggests his firm is on the cusp of achieving AGI: “AI is doing 30% to 50% of the work at Salesforce now.“
In a world with so many great AI labs, who could have predicted that AGI takeoff would occur at Amway Salesforce of all places? And what does it tell us that their first move after achieving AGI is to buy Informatica? AGI must be a truly alien form of intelligence.
The 50% claim brings to mind the old question of how many people work at Salesforce? The answer: about half.
Previous:
Salesforce is (Still) Not a Technology Company, Salesforce Holds “Developer” Conference, Salesforce is Not a Technology Company: Nor an AI Company, 2025 Will Not be the Year of Agentic AI, The Agentic Abyss of Disillusionment, Salesforce is Not a Technology Company: Nor a Dogfood Company, What’s Bugging Marc Benioff – Continued, Benioff’s Blizzard of Bluster, Salesforce + Indian Mystic + AI = ???, “There’s an art to this kind of horseshit, and Benioff is its Michelangelo”, The Hard Thing About “Hard Pivots”, Thought Leadership (in Mascots), Salesforce Rallies Its Deep Bench of AI Experts (and Cartoon Characters), Bluster, Bombast and Bullshit: Just Another Day at Salesforce, Salesforce’s Shamelessness is Staggering, Salesforce Gonna Salesforce, The Spectacle that is Dreamforce
Software Migration Alert: Couchbase
Couchbase customers: activate your migration plan! Because when private equity comes to your town, you need to get out of town.
Private Equity in Action: Unlocking “AI Database Company” Value
This PE firm may have cracked the great Phase 2 conundrum that has confounded us all for so long. Just call it an “AI database company” (and AI valuations will no doubt follow). Brilliant! So nice to see PE unlocking real value instead of following their oft-run playbook to slash engineering and jack prices.
Previous:
Perfidious Private Equity, Private Equity in Action: Trying to Eat the World, Private Equity in Action: Fast Casual Restaurant Edition, Private Equity in Action: WP Engine, Perfidious Private Equity, Private Equity in Action: Thrasio, Private Equity in Action: “How PE Keeps Planes in the Air”, Private Equity in Action: OtterTune,Private Equity in Action: PluralSight, Software Migration Alerts, Private Equity Will Buy and Ruin More Software Companies
Private Equity in Action: CareerBuilder + Monster
Another private equity bankruptcy. Oopsie. Nothing screams “we are great operators” like bankrupting one-time industry leaders.
Previous:
Perfidious Private Equity, Private Equity in Action: Trying to Eat the World, Private Equity in Action: Fast Casual Restaurant Edition, Private Equity in Action: WP Engine, Perfidious Private Equity, Private Equity in Action: Thrasio, Private Equity in Action: “How PE Keeps Planes in the Air”, Private Equity in Action: OtterTune, Private Equity in Action: PluralSight, Software Migration Alerts, Private Equity Will Buy and Ruin More Software Companies
Private Equity in Action: Having to Show Their Math is New Experience
Private equity went full code red in response to last week’s data showing the S&P outperforming private equity on all time horizons, despite the S&P suffering from much greater liquidity and much lower fees.
This is a great look behind the curtain at the secret process of how PE computes the value of its investments.
